At this part of my life, I wouldn’t like to say that I’m depressed or that I’m miserable.. I just found out the literal conception of my state, I’m a jealous disappointed smart kid. I’ve spent my life not knowing what to call myself on how different I am.. and not belonging anywhere but not until I realized where my passion is taking me so that I started calling myself stuff that had a title.
I thought this is where I get driven into lifestyle and career and knowing who I am is definitely the way to achievements. Although I'm never wrong about my goals nor mistaken about what I’m deeply obsessed with, I just can’t help but overthinking and trying to figure out what’s missing.
Regardless of how I feel right now and the surroundings, I just wish I could read that in a year after I have finally figured out that there was nothing wrong with my intuition.
I wish life takes me somewhere far away that completely pulls me from my negative thoughts until I forget what they were like.
I wish the time I take to read this in a year feels sorry enough for the current me.
And I wish it never wants to go back to a crisis that’s full of nothingness.
Got to stay fair while speaking about my type of impasse, it took me a while to find out that I didn’t exist for this whole period.. letting the clock pass in a slow pattern while I have completely isolated myself to sleep everyday for 16 hours straight and waking up to take my meds and eat a meal I usually crave and then start a new sleeping row, is completely not being alive.. and again this isn’t depression nor death but I’m pretty sure there’ll be a definition for that when I’m officially down or making history.
And I wish it never wants to go back to a crisis that’s full of nothingness.
